ESPN Classic Like Watching “Legally Blonde”

Staring at the tenth hour of college football on a holiday weekend with my husband Jamie, I looked up from my magazine and noticed something odd about the score on the screen.

The graphics were from the 1980’s.

“Wait,” I turn to him. “This isn’t a new game,” I say.

He gives me an innocent look. “What? It’s a game. It’s Michigan vs. Ohio State.”

I have never been the queen of sports, but after being married to a sports guy for ten years, I am not that dumb.

“This isn’t today, though,”

“Not exactly.”

“What do you mean, not exactly. You’ve seen this game. Like 10 YEARS AGO.” I point out.

He grins. I’ve been scammed again by an ESPN Classic game that adds to an already packed college/NFL/high school game weekend. There are plenty of new games to watch. Do we really need to pile on with the classic Cal vs. Standford vs. the marching band game? We already know what happens. (the band gets run over)  I mean, there’s no suspense!  There’s nothing on the line!  It’s been PLAYED BEFORE.

So I commandeer the remote.

“Since you’ve already seen this, how about I flip around?” I say nonchalantly.

And what do I find? On holiday weekends, cable is littered with ultimate must stop and watch movies.

A Few Good MenI always hang in for Jack on the stand. Demi Moore is useless, but solid cameos by Keifer and K. Bacon.

Forrest Gump : “Run, Forr- ok, too easy.  How about “Lt. Dan’s got magic legs”.

The Cutting Edge – Ice Skating, the 80’s, a dreamy D.B. Sweeny. Toe pick.

The Fugitive – Never fails that I tune in when Richard escapes Tommy Lee Jones and gets lost in the St. Patrick’s Day parade.

Shawshank Redemption – I’ve always wanted to visit Zihuatanejo.

One more click and suddenly I land on the ultimate must stop and watch.

Legally Blonde. I don’t know why, but this movie has a tractor beam that pulls me in. Not sure if it’s the pink outfits, cartoonish characters or Luke Wilson when he was hot-ish (and thin-ish). Or the bend and snap.  Plus it has a suspenseful courtroom scene.  I object!

I feel eyes staring at me.

“So,” Jamie says. “You’ve never seen that movie before.”

I have.

“You already know how it ends,” he says.

Well…

“Elle wins the case” he says.

“And Michigan wins the game,” I add.

Silence.

Oh. So, perhaps ESPN Classic isn’t so stupid after all.  But thank  goodness for two televisions in the house.

Bonus question:  So… what are the movies you have to watch when you find them on cable?

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5 thoughts on “ESPN Classic Like Watching “Legally Blonde”

  1. I looooooove, “Toe pick.” Plus, in Cutting Edge, didn’t Sweeney say to Maura what’s-her-name, “I don’t know about you lady, but where I come from we STAND for the National Anthem,” or something like that?

    I love sports, but totally do NOT get ESPN Classic. My have-to-stop-at movies? Either of the Lifetime Betty Broderick movies (I’ve seen both about 15 or so times; no, I’m not kidding — just embarrassed), Airplane and the competition scene at the end of Sister Act, Back in the Habit.

    Great article, Christy; I love your stuff. You should publish professionally

    • Mary, I think you and I were separated at birth. The Betty Broderick movies are CLASSICS. Meredith Baxter was straight up crazy – and I ALWAYS stop for those. Plus, I have been known to sing along to “Joyful Joyful” at the end of Sister Act II. Looks like I’ve picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue. Thanks for reading!

      • And you just quoted the number one, have to stop WHATEVER I’m doing movie. I’ve seen it, conservatively, 150 times. Obviously we can all quote every line. But for some stupid reason, the world stops when Airplane! is on. And what’s the difference between having it on DVD and running across it on TV? I can watch it any time I want – literally. But if it’s on TV, I HAVE to watch it.

        Oh, and even though I know he’ll NEVER field that grounder, I cannot pass up watching “Game 6” on ESPN Classic.

        Brian

  2. Though my husband doesn’t watch ESPN Classic, he re-watches plenty that make me raise my eyebrows. He graciously returns the favor when he finds me re-watching (for the “zillionth time”):
    Pretty Woman–gotta love Julia Roberts and a good hooker turned Cinderella story
    Baby Boom–an old Diane Keaton movie that first planted the seed of working from home with children many, many years ago.
    ElizabethTown–I don’t know if it’s been on TV yet, but I love, love, love this one!

    Fun post!

  3. hahahahahahahahaha. Love it. That is too funny. I can relate! Great he said, she said. Clever post.
    I have to go with Elf for the holidays. I’ve seen it twice in the past week already after I passed through the seven levels of the Candy Cane forest, through the sea of swirly twirly gum drops, and then I walked through the Lincoln Tunnel.
    Merry Christmas!

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